Dear 14 year old Lauren,
Hey
there. Long time, no see. I’ll be honest – I haven’t thought about you much in
the past few years. I’ve always believed that it was more important to keep my
eyes towards the future, constantly moving forward. But this year has taught me
that sometimes, it’s necessary to glance back at the past. If you’re lucky,
you’ll be thrilled with the progress that’s been made and the puzzle pieces
that have fallen into place. Most of the time, the road in your rearview mirror
will be peppered with smiles
and regret. And at the worst, you’ll learn and gain perspective.
That
being said, I have some advice for you. I know, I know, I seem like the last
person who should be offering guidance; but believe me, no one knows your
future better than I do.
You’ll
walk in on your first day of high school with stars in your bright eyes and a
cold, hard knot of apprehension in your belly. You’ll take your seat in
homeroom, look around at the faces you’ve known for years, and sigh in relief.
You’re back in your comfort zone, and suddenly that deep well of self-confidence
that your mother instilled in you doesn’t seem quite so far away.
Get used to being out of your element.
Be prepared to be stripped of everything familiar to you and to be plopped down
in the middle of foreignness that will be more frightening and brilliant than
anything you’ve ever experienced. The moments you’ll remember most will be the
ones that challenged you to branch out beyond what is comfortable.
You’ll
sail through your high school classes with ease. US History? What a breeze. Geometry?
No problem. The A’s will keep piling up, because anything less is simply not an
option. That perfectionist attitude will be a gnat that constantly buzzes in
your ear, reminding you to succeed (or else). There are things going on in your
life that you can’t control – but your grades and intelligence are definitely
not in that category.
Prepare for failure. Become comfortable
with the idea that not every endeavor will result in a gold star. I can assure
you that once you break free from the safe bubble of your hometown, the things
that you aren’t great at will seem to
completely overwhelm the things that you are
talented in. And that’s okay! You will fall on your face more times than
you can count – and more importantly, you will get back up every time.
It won’t
take long for you to realize that this is not an ideal world, and people aren’t
as nice as you had hoped. You’ll be generous to friends who may not be so kind
in return. In response, you’ll cut and trim your list of confidantes down to a select
few, and while you’ll keep that smile on your face at all times, you’ll also
keep up an impenetrable wall.
Don’t be afraid to feel. Don’t be so
skeptical and cynical that you miss out on someone or something unforgettable.
Opening yourself up will never be
easy – but it is possible, and it is necessary. I can tell you from experience
that the people you least expect will be the ones to surprise you. And those
that surprise you will most likely be the ones who will change your life.
You are
going to face things during the next few years that no one should have to endure.
As you go from doctor to doctor, your spirit will be strong, but one thought
will reverberate in the back of your mind: “This isn't fair.” You’ll grow your hair out long to cover up that straight, pink
line that goes down your spine, and whenever anyone asks you how you’re doing,
your response will always be the same: “I've been better, but I’m doing
alright.”
It doesn't get easier, but you will get
stronger. I wish I could say that I know what lies at the end of this road,
but I don’t. What I do know is that
one day, we will both look back and
find a silver lining. Do not be ashamed of your trials and display your marks
with pride; a warrior is always proud of her battle scars. This part of your
life will be integrated into your character for as long as you live. Resilience
and courage will be so interwoven with your soul that you will hold your chin a
little higher with every passing day.
I know
that you have the tendency to get a little stressed out. I know that sometimes,
when things aren’t going as planned, you feel like everything is falling apart.
I get it. But here’s the thing – as much as this sounds like a bad Hallmark
card, you are blessed beyond measure. Take the shades of fastidiousness and
ambition off of your eyes every once in a while, and take in the light that
surrounds you.
Hug your
family a little tighter. Pray a little longer. Take some time to read that book
you’ve always wanted to. When a job needs to be done, do it. Pick up the phone
when someone seems to be on your heart. Look around at the slice of heaven you’re
in and breathe it all in. Live.
You won’t
regret it. See you soon.
Yours, quite literally,
19-year
old Lauren
